As moms increasingly look to their daughters for guidance, they may be doing them a disservice by trying to help them become the best moms they can be, according to a new book.
“When you do the math, it’s not about whether you are the best mom,” said Nancy Pfeifer, author of “Moms: The Power of Parenting.”
“It’s about how you do it.”
For starters, moms need to be realistic.
There’s a difference between being the best at what you do and being the only mom who can make sure you’re the best mother you can be.
“We have this notion that all moms are the same, that moms can’t do anything differently than a father,” Pfeife said.
“But in fact, there’s a lot of moms who are better at everything.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s experienced this.”
A recent study found that while more than half of mothers surveyed had taken a class on the topic of parenting, just 22 percent were able to do so at a bachelor’s degree.
“I’m not saying you can’t learn parenting,” Pyeifer said.
Instead, it takes time, patience and practice.
For starters — and this is especially true for moms who may have had kids of their own — it’s crucial to recognize that the best way to be mom is to work in tandem with your partner.
“Mamas need to know that their children are not going to have all the same opportunities that a father does, and they need to understand that their own children will be able to get better, too,” P Feifer said, adding that there are ways to help your children make it easier for you to succeed.
That’s especially true if your partner is struggling, as she or he may have struggled with substance abuse, mental health or family issues.
“The goal is to have an open dialogue with your kids about what they’re going through,” Pile said.
It’s important to note that not all moms can become mothers.
For example, the best approach for mothers with complex medical needs is to talk to their doctors and to a mental health professional about a holistic approach to parenting.
“You need to get to know the family,” Piles said.
That means not only the children, but also the other people in the family.
“It requires that you get to understand the parents, and then you need to listen to them,” Pishie said.
When moms have children of their parents, it helps to have a close relationship with them.
“Having a close bond with a child is what makes it easier to support your own child when they need you,” PFeifer said of the parent-child bond.
“There is a way to have that kind of relationship, and you can do it as an adult.”
For dads, Pfeif says it’s important not to be overly emotional when it comes to parenting their kids.
“A dad can be very emotional about parenting, but he has to be very careful not to get overly emotional,” she said.
This means having a plan in place and talking with your husband or boyfriend about the needs of the children.
It also means listening to your kids.
Pfeives says parents should try to have their own kids in the home, but not just because it’s convenient or the parents love kids.
It can also be to make sure that they get enough exercise and socializing time.
It helps if you’re open to letting the kids out of the house to spend time with their siblings and play outside.
It might also help to set limits on how much time each parent is allowed to spend with their children.
“If it’s a long time, let’s say one or two hours a day, then the kid should be able spend more time with his siblings and with their mom and dad,” Pighire said.
If it’s just a short amount of time, it can help if both parents work together to make time for their children to get together.
If you’re trying to raise kids with multiple parents, “you need to have those things in place, and the best thing you can try to do is be a mother,” Pily said.
She recommends keeping the kids’ room clean and having them have fun with the toys they want to play with.
Pyeife also recommends having a family calendar with regular events for the kids to follow.
“Be sure to keep an eye on the kids and have them know how many days they have left and what time they are going to go to bed,” Pieger said.
Also, make sure the kids are aware of the importance of being home to their mom or dad at all times.
Pile suggests giving them a list of the things they need done, so that they can make a plan for how they will do them if needed.
“Don’t be surprised if you have to pull up the car or walk out the door,” P Yeifer